Wishing Things Would Change

I was reading my past entries and you can definately see the Libra in me, I cant make my mind up about Ryan hehe do I love him or not?? Of course I love him, I just get really mad when I am mad...something I work on a lot. I am actually extremely depressed about this deployment next year, I wish they would have told us about it 3 months before the date instead of giving us all of this time to think about it. I almost feel like I dont allow myself to be the way I was before he deployed last time, almost like I am scared for things to go back to normal because I know he is just going to leave again, make sense? Dont get me wrong, we are happy and get along great (except for that one week..) but I do feel like we are different couple now than what we were 3 years ago. Maybe it was inevitable that we would change as a couple with the deployment or not?? Maybe Adrien is what makes it so different?? It's so complicated when you raise a baby for the first 8 months of it's life by yourself, but then you know you are married but you have the mindset of a single mom and then your husband gets thrown into the mix...ok I am confusing myself....

My whole point of thinking about the deployment comes from seeing that my friends husband deployed last night to Iraq for a year. He was only home for a year since his last year long deployment. They have been married for 3 years and desperately want a baby. She has had 3 miscarriages that I know about within the past few months and now they have to just completey put life on hold for a year and she has to sit there and wonder if they will ever have a baby and has a whole year taken away to even try and the wait continues for them. I just think it is so unfair and it really highlights the sacrifices that military families make. When it comes to me I dont make a big deal about my sacrifices because I feel like a strong person, life goes on, but it does break my heart when I hear someone else's story, I always feel like they have a worse story than mine. Atleast I was blessed to get pregnant, even though I spent the entire pregnancy without my husband. Atleast he could come home for the birth and be by my side then and meet his baby boy, even though he only had 2 weeks. I see it as atleast we got as much as we did, I'm very thankful for that. This war just sucks big time and I cant wait for a change and I cant wait to have my husband back, for good.